DINING ON ASHES
by Heartwings
Summary: A dark post Endgame story that will gradually bring the characters back into the light.


**DINING ON ASHES**

Chapter One

The hostess showed Kathryn to a table near the front door of the restaurant, however Kathryn soon realized the rush of damp fetid air each time the door opened was exceedingly unpleasant. She summoned the hostess back; the woman begrudgingly seated her at a table near the back of the room, away from the door and the considerable noise of the adjoining bar. Janeway studied the woman as she left the table. She most certainly looked Human, or mostly so, and the fake smiles they exchanged revealed the woman was probably as disgusted to be working in a second rate restaurant as Kathryn was to be eating in one. Well, it had been touted as the best restaurant serving Terran cuisine in the province, which really made her wonder what a lesser restaurant might be like. It probably was nice when it was new, but it was old and tired now. As Kathryn tried in vain to get comfortable in her chair and looked around, she considered leaving, but a server passed with a tray of food that actually looked good, very very good… better than anything she had eaten in the past couple of days. That was enough, so she settled back down and surveyed the room further as she noticed it was quite obvious the adjoining bar was where the majority of the customers were since it was well after the local dinner hour.

A waiter finally arrived, apologized for the delay as he explained he was the only server working, and handed Kathryn a menu PADD. Observing that it didn't work, the waiter snatched it back and quickly returned with another and a glass of water. That menu didn't work either, but after the waiter banged it on the table several times, it did. He tried to wipe up the water he'd spilled as Kathryn looked through the fairly lengthy list of offerings. She stopped dead as she looked up and smiled.

"Chicken and dumplings, I'll have chicken and dumplings, please." Kathryn read some more. "And hot fudge brownie cake for dessert… with coffee, black coffee, and could you please bring me a glass of white wine right now?"

The waiter snatched the PADD back and bowed as he pushed what he hadn't managed to spill of the water towards her. "So sorry, alcohol drinks in bar only, no fighting in here, respectable place here for tourists, fine ladies and families, house rules. Drinking fun time after dinner, after you pay, you go bar, please."

Kathryn smiled. "Sir, I assure you I won't start a fight, so couldn't you possibly just discretely bring me some white wine, in a water glass or coffee cup or something then? Nobody would know, I've had a bad day and could really use a glass of wine and I assure you your kindness will be rewarded." The waiter just stared at her. "Sir, if you prefer, I would be glad to pay for my meal and reward your good service right now?"

Without any sort of a reaction, the waiter left. Kathryn sat back as she turned her water glass in circles and contemplated the likelihood the drinking water was safe in a second or third rate alien restaurant. If there was one constant in the Alpha Quadrant, it was that money talks and it speaks a language that most every waiter understands. Soon enough the waiter returned and deposited a large container of French mineral water and a salad on the table. "Thank you," she half smiled as she checked to see the seal on the water was intact. It was so she enjoyed a swallow as she made a mental note to let the author of the guide book she has read before leaving home know that not everyone on the planet could be as easily bribed as the guidebook claimed.

Kathryn used her fork to probe the salad and it looked fine, quite fresh in fact, so she poured the dressing on and dug in. She was famished as the lunch she had been served was basically inedible and all she had really eaten was a dish of some sort of cereal-like condiment that tasted halfway decent. She didn't know what it was and that was probably best. Kathryn was stunned as the salad dressing was the most pleasant blend of sweet fruity flavors and a subtle sour vinegary after bite that she had had in years. The lettuce was sweet and crisp and the other vegetables, some familiar, some not, were a reward for the last few days of food that she wouldn't feed a dog. She shoved the final very unladylike bite into her mouth as she saw the waiter emerge from the kitchen with what must be her dinner as the other three occupied tables in the restaurant had already been served.

The waiter placed a plate on the table in front of Kathryn, silverware beside it, a small basket of rolls to her left and a good sized crock on a tray in the center of the table. He lifted the lid off the crock ceremoniously. "Chicken and dumplings Terran style, you wish I serve it for you?" Kathryn felt a tap on her shoulder? "Lady, is there something wrong with it? You want I get the chef? You can yell at him, not me!"

"What?" Kathryn shook her head and snapped back to reality. She smiled reassuringly as she patted his arm. "No, no, it looks and smells absolutely delicious. I'm sorry, I was lost in thought, that's all, I'm just very tired. Everything is fine, thank you so much." Kathryn started spooning the chicken and dumplings onto her plate as she returned to that place where her mind had been: Nana's house. As she savored every bite, every tender piece of chicken, bright orange carrot nugget, sweet green pea and incredibly light and yet chewy dumpling, Kathryn remembered all those Sunday dinners at Nana's house with her family. That was what had frozen her, she had forgotten a simple old fashioned dish like chicken and dumplings could be that powerful.

The waiter interrupted her reveries once again. He did a poor job hiding his surprise that Kathryn had indeed eaten every morsel of what should have been a double portion for a person of her size. "The lady like dessert now? Chocolate pie, yes?"

She rested her hands on top of her belly like a pregnant woman. "No, no, on second thought, I don't think I have room for dessert after all that, but I would love a cup of black coffee, please. You do have fresh brewed Earth coffee here, don't you?"

He bowed politely. "Yes, of course, and also Raktajino and Bajoran coffee if you prefer."

"A Terran coffee then, and please make sure it is fresh brewed and not replicated."

The waiter bowed again, he already had plans for the fat gratuity he was certain he would be receiving shortly, thanks to the tasty chicken and dumplings. "Of course, I make myself, everyone say we make best Terran coffee on planet, dear lady, no replicators here."

As Kathryn finished her second cup of coffee she sat back and smiled as the waiter cleared the table and brought her another coffee in a stasis cup and a little cookie on a little tray to thank her again for the very generous gratuity. "Thank you again, kind lady, and Chef Renard say thank you too and please come back tomorrow and bring friends, lots of friends."

She smiled as she managed to push herself from the table. "I hope so, I will if I can, but you can tell the chef that was the best chicken and dumplings I have had in years, it was just delicious." She snatched the cookie and shoved it in her mouth. "Oh, my goodness, that cookie was divine! Do you sell them? Could I possibly buy a container of them, a couple dozen would do, and I'd be glad to pay for them, please?"

The waiter toddled off to the kitchen as quickly as he could. As Kathryn looked around she realized she was the only patron left in the restaurant and everyone else had either left or gone into the adjoining bar. She was so bloated from overeating she decided it best to stand and wait as she doubted she could get out of a too low chair again without help. While Kathryn was looking at the tacky pictures on the wall of places on Earth that supposedly provided atmosphere while she waited, she started hearing raised voices coming from the kitchen that soon escalated into a very loud argument, along with what sounded like things being thrown. Remembering what the waiter had said about fighting and that there was an increasingly loud bar in the next room, she decided getting out as quickly as possible, to the nearest transport station and back to her hotel was probably the safest course of action. Her escape was prevented by a hand from behind on her shoulder that slipped off and grabbed her purse strap as she tried to leave. Kathryn was unarmed, but she spun around with her arm raised to defend herself nonetheless as she had been warned about the pickpockets and such common on the planet.

"Leave me alone!" she shouted at the exact same time a small white bag was thrust in her face. She ducked and pushed the arm away from her.

"Wait, Ma'am, your cookies!"

They gasped in unison as the cookies went flying and they banged heads as they both tried to apologize and pick them up at the same time.

Kathryn was faster and was rubbing her head and laughing by time she retrieved the bag of cookies and stood up, only to see the poor chef in a big heap on the floor, his pompous billowy chef's hat that was as even sillier than Neelix's over his face. She stifled a laugh, suddenly realizing she could be in trouble, as she had obviously hit him hard enough to knock him down. "Sir, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was you, I thought you were… I mean, I didn't know you grabbed me to hand me the cookies, you scared me, I thought you were a purse snatcher. I really am so sorry, are you alright?"

He swore in a language she didn't understand as he finally got his hat off his face and used it to sop up the blood running from his nose.

Kathryn dropped the bag of cookies and gasped, "Chakotay, my gods, iiiiiis that you?"

"Kathryn?" he asked as he pinched his nose shut and looked up. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," she replied as she extended her hand to help him up as she had obviously hit him hard enough to disorient him. "I'm sorry, really I am, I didn't mean to hit you so hard, I thought you were trying to steal my purse or something."

He ignored her hand and got to his feet himself. "Well, I may be a lot of things, Kathryn Janeway, but I am not a thief!"

He was also not very steady on his feet as she realized nobody else was there and she helped him to a chair to sit down. As she did she smelled an odor and realized he was probably more drunk than hurt. She looked around again. "Is there someone I can call to help you? For heaven's sake, Chakotay, I told you I didn't know it was you, I couldn't possibly have! I thought you were a thief. Are you still bleeding?"

He checked and he still was. "No, no, I'm fine, I just whacked my nose on the hostess stand or something when I fell. Kathryn, what the hell are you doing here in a dump like this?"

She ignored his question as she watched the blood drip into his bushy gray beard and handed him a rag off a nearby table. "Hold on, I'll get you some ice. Tilt your head forward and hold your nose. Where do you keep the ice?"

"In the bar," he mumbled through the towel as he vaguely pointed. "But you can't go in there, so go into the kitchen and go all the way to the back and, on the right, is a walk in freezer. Just grab a package of frozen peas or something, please, OK? Kathryn, Kathryn?" She didn't return, so he went in the kitchen to look for her, knowing that sometimes the freezer door stuck and you had to know how to kick it just right to get it to let you back out. She was nowhere to be seen, so he went back to the dining room and she wasn't there either. He sat back down and cursed her for running out as he still couldn't get his nose to stop bleeding.

"Oh, shit!" he exclaimed as he saw Kathryn's purse lying on the next table. Chakotay ran into the bar calling her name. He pawed his way through the raucous crowd until he found her, shoved some locals aside, threw her over his shoulder, carried her out and put her down in a chair in the restaurant. He could see that she was mad as hell and about to erupt, so he tossed her a towel. "I told you not to go in there, Kathryn, I told you!"

She tried to be mad so she wouldn't cry. "Dammit, they put their hands all over me, even… up under my dress and grabbed me, ripped my camisole and…"

He slammed his hand on the table. "Kathryn, I told you not to go in the bar, don't you ever listen to anyone? You're on Ferenginar, women don't go in bars unaccompanied unless they're wh… uh prostitutes."

She tried to put her hair back into place as she groused, "Do I look like a Ferengi whore?"

"Yeah, you do, and that's an Earth theme bar," he chuckled as he walked across the restaurant. "Almost all the whores in there are Humans, or at least made up to look like Humans, 'cause it's hard to find Human hookers who will put up with Ferengis. That's the attraction to this place, they eat Human food in here then go in there to get drunk and get human dessert," he chuckled.

Kathryn grabbed her purse and fished through it. "Don't be crass. Well, I don't think it's so funny, Chakotay, I was groped all over the place in there." As she rummaged around in the purse, two dinner rolls escaped, hit the floor and rolled off. "Well, they were good," she replied as she shrugged her shoulders and finally found her hairbrush. "Oh, like you never stole a roll or some crackers or something from a restaurant!" she smirked as she tried to put herself back together.

He snatched the linen napkin she had wrapped the rolls in from her purse and waved it at her before he balled it up and threw it across the room as he rose from the table. "Kathryn, I told you not to go in the bar," he reiterated as he rejoined her at the table and placed a bottle of mineral water in front of her and one of beer at his place.

"I was only tying to help you!" Kathryn exclaimed as she switched the places of the bottles and took a swig of the beer as she shoved the water at him. "Here, I think you've already had enough to drink!" She took a look at his considerable paunchy belly disapprovingly. "Way too much, in fact! Look, Chakotay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you or shove you or whatever, but I really did think you were trying to steal my purse and you probably wouldn't have fallen if you hadn't been so drunk because I didn't hit you that hard, I couldn't have. I heard all that screaming and yelling coming from the kitchen and I was just trying to get out of here because the waiter said something about problems with fights and this isn't the nicest part of town, you know."

He switched the bottles back and took a long swig of the beer. "You've gained weight too, but it looks good on you." He took another sip and put the beer back on the table.

"No, it doesn't," she replied as she reached for the beer.

"You're right, Kathryn, it doesn't," Chakotay taunted as he snatched up the bottle of beer before she could reach it, finished it all at once, belched as he put the bottle back on the table and gave her a look that was only an old friendship short of lascivious. "I was yelling at the waiter because I caught him stealing cookies again. He sells bags of them to customers and keeps the credits for himself because he doesn't record them as an order. I was sick of him stealing and messing up my inventory and, well, I was just mad." Chakotay ran his fingers through his long stringy gray hair and chuckled. "I get mad when I drink and I drink when I get mad. I only grabbed your arm to stop you and give you the damn cookies and explain because he had charged you for them. I wasn't trying to steal your purse, honest, and I certainly didn't know it was you."

Kathryn had calmed down. "Fine, I believe you, apology accepted. Well, it's late and I need to get back to my hotel. Is there a restroom where I could put myself together first?"

He stood and pointed. "Yes, oh, no, trust me, you don't want to go in there. They don't clean them 'til morning and some of the hookers in the bar, they go in there after the restaurant closes for, um, privacy."

"Oh, well, I really need to at least use the toilet before I leave. Is there an employee washroom in the back or something that I could use?"

Chakotay stood and pointed up. "Kathryn, I live upstairs, you can use my bathroom. It's clean and has an Earth style toilet, not one of those Ferengi extractors, and I'll get you a pin to fix your bra strap or whatever you got going on under there."

She took a good look at him and suddenly wanted to get out of there as fast as she possibly could. "Thanks, that's OK, I think I can make it back after all."

He got to the door before she did. "Kathryn, I know I'm drunk and I look like hell and I am truly sorry about what happened to you in the bar, but I did try to stop you and I thought you'd gone into the kitchen like I told you, otherwise I would have gone after you right away. When you weren't in the kitchen, I thought you'd left until I saw your purse lying on the table. Please come use my bathroom, you can wash up and put yourself back together before you go. Don't be silly, Kathryn, you'll be perfectly safe." She obviously wasn't buying it. "Kathryn, if I had any ulterior motives, I would have carried them out in the bar instead of getting you out of there. On Ferenginar you can do whatever you want to a woman in a bar as long as you pay her pimp first. Kathryn, in all the years we were together, did you ever know me to try to take advantage of you, of any woman?"

She didn't answer for a while. "Well, Chakotay, I guess I'll have to take you up on your offer because, if I don't, you'll have to get the mop. I ate a huge dinner, had a whole bottle of mineral water and two coffees; I really really need to use a bathroom."

Kathryn went up the stairs two at a time and slammed the bathroom door behind her. Chakotay had wanted to tell her where the fresh towels were, but she obviously hadn't been lying about desperately needing to use the bathroom and had literally slammed the door in his face. He smiled as he heard her engage the privacy lock, for that was something she certainly would never have done before. His smile got bigger as he went to find her some pins, for the lock on the bathroom door didn't work anyhow.

When she finally came out she did look a lot better and he did too as he had washed up in the kitchen sink. She had been in such a hurry to get to the toilet that she really hadn't seen anything in the apartment. Kathryn looked around and smiled. "Your place is nice, looks just like Earth, you even have curtains at the window. Well, thank you again, Chakotay, but it's late and I have an early meeting, so I had better get back to my hotel."

He went to the stove, grabbed two mugs and sat them on the table. "I made tea, Kathryn, won't you please have a cup of tea before you go? Don't worry, as you can see my kitchen is very clean, we keep a clean house." She started making excuses again so he grabbed a container from a cabinet and put it on the table. "Here, if nothing else I still owe you a dozen cookies."

She grabbed one and sat at the small kitchen table. "Well, maybe just one and a little tea to warm me up before I go out into that blasted rain. I swear, it's rained every day since I got here."

He got her a napkin and joined her. "Kathryn, it rains every day here, you grow webs between your toes after a while and you buy more anti-fungals than food. To be honest, I don't know why anyone would want to live here. Speaking of which, what the hell are you doing on Ferenginar? Another cookie?"

"Thanks. I asked myself that same question about ten minutes after I got off the shuttle. I'm here recruiting for Gaxtrex, it's a Vendikan consortium that is terra forming out on the far Dreyan moons. They sent me to recruit young Ferengi to come work on the project as they are one of the few species that can tolerate the damp disgusting conditions there."

Chakotay sat back and laughed. "Yeah, I heard something about it. Vendikans? Terra forming? Kathryn, since when are you an expert on terra forming? Did you move to Vendikar or something?"

"No no," she mumbled, her mouth full of cookie. "Sorry, no, fact is I have never even been there, or to Dreya either for that matter. I don't know a hell of a lot about terra forming either, truth be told. What I do know is they paid me a lot of money to come here for a week, put on some make up, smile a lot and try to recruit Ferengi workers. I'm still somewhat of a celebrity here, especially among the women, thanks mostly to those damn tabloids. My income producing Voyager celebrity pretty much ran out a while back and I really needed the extra money, so I took the job. That's it, plain and simple. What about you, how did you end up here?"

"Same way," he chuckled, "I came for the money… and the great climate!" he added sarcastically. "Terran food got real popular here a couple years back. It was pretty much a fad, but a number of the locals developed a taste for it and they and the visiting business people who can't stomach Ferengi food are enough to keep the place going."

Kathryn's grin turned to a laugh. "So, here I am in the butt end of space, trying to get Ferengi women to come work terra forming for the Vendikans and here you are, running a Ferengi whore house. It's so absurd it's almost funny."

"Kathryn, I don't run the bar, I'm just the chef here, an employee, I don't even have an interest in the business. Ferengis own the place, I run the kitchen and that's all. They pay me a salary and furnish this apartment and I cook two meals a day, every damn day, for people that, by and large, I can't stand and that's it." He sat back and stared into his tea, he knew the evening was over.

Kathryn confirmed it. "Well, thanks again, but I really have to be going, I have an early day tomorrow and I'm tired. Oh, that chicken and dumplings really was delicious, as good as my grandmother used to make."

"It ought to be, it was her recipe! You gave me all your family recipes years ago, remember?" Chakotay packed up the rest of the cookies, handed them to her and continued chatting as they went down the stairs. "Here, you can have them for breakfast. The climate here tires you out, the lack of sunshine and the dampness really sap your strength until you get used to it." When they got to the door of the restaurant Kathryn put her coat on while Chakotay retrieved the stasis cup of coffee she had dropped earlier. "Here, you can have that for breakfast too." He grabbed his coat off the rack. "Let me walk you to the beaming station."

"No thanks," she said as she stepped out into the rain. "I remember where it is, it's just down the street and around the corner, I'll be fine."

He secured the restaurant door behind him. "No, Kathryn, you can't walk alone in this part of town this late at night, it's not safe… for a lady. I'll just walk you to the door of the beaming station, OK?"

"Well, OK, thank you. I guess you know the neighborhood better than I do." They walked the rainy block and a half in silence. As Kathryn stepped into the transport station, she shook her hair out as no amount of clothing or personal force fields could actually protect one from the rain on Ferenginar. She smiled as pleasantly as she could manage. "Well, thank you again, Chakotay, it was good to see you again."

He fidgeted with his hat in his hands. "Yes, it was good to see you too. I really am sorry about what happened. Kathryn, I'll make pot roast the special tomorrow night, how about you come for dinner and maybe we can split a bottle of wine or a pot of coffee or something after and we can catch up?"

"I don't know, I have a pretty full schedule."

"It would be on the house."

"I'm on an expense account."

"I'll make caramel brownies for dessert."

Kathryn mouthed good bye as she waved slightly

and the transporter beam swallowed her up and took her away. Chakotay cursed, jammed his hat back on and stepped back out into the cold rain. He knew she would not come, that he would never see Kathryn Janeway again.

Chapter Two

Chakotay flopped over and buried his head in the pillow. "Damn, Kathryn, if I knew you could do that! Oh spirits, woman, why did we wait so long? You go talent woman, real talent."

"Why thank you," she purred as she tickled his belly. "I don't know how I managed to stay out of your pants for so long either, but then I didn't know what great talents you possess. You wouldn't want to do that to me again, would you?"

He jumped up, grabbed her by the waist and threw her on her back. No, not that, but I think I have a better idea." Chakotay grabbed her breasts and pulled on them until she squealed as he tried to get on top of her. "Damn, Kathryn, I thought you'd have bigger tits and they're so saggy, can't you get them fixed or something?"

She scooped her breasts up in her hands and pushed them together as she giggled, "Well, I have a great collection of bras!" Kathryn escaped his grasp and tried to retaliate as she pinched and pulled at him and said, "Gee, you were perfectly happy with them a while ago and, by the way, this sticky stuff all over them is yours, so you wouldn't like to lick it off, would you?"

Chakotay grabbed her, flipped her on her belly, put his arm around her waist and pulled her hips into the air as she shrieked. "No, but I think I'd like to have you like a dog, bitch, so come here and stop biting me!" As he pounded into her he said, "You know, you drove me crazy the way you teased me all those years and sometimes I just wanted to tear that damn uniform off, throw you across your desk and fuck you just like this, Kathryn!"

"Ouch!, let me get the tube of… Ouch, dammit you bastard!" she screamed as she swung her fists and finally managed to get away from him and slide onto the floor. She got back on the bed, sat next to him and played with his hair. "Look, honey, I'm sorry, but you were hurting me. You've had too much to drink and I don't even know how you can get it up as drunk as you are. Come on and lets lie back down and you can finish up as long as you're not so rough."

He smacked her so hard she flew off the bed. "Don't you tell me what to do, bitch! For what I paid for you, you'll do whatever the hell I tell you to and you'll be whoever the hell I want you to be! Chakotay grabbed his beer, finished it and threw the bottle across the room. He then jumped out of the bed, grabbed the pile of clothes on the floor and started hurriedly dressing. He stopped as soon as he had his pants on and turned to face her. "Look, honey, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I don't know what came over me. I've never hit a hooker before, I swear. I didn't hurt you bad, did I?"

"I've been hurt worse," she said as she crawled back onto the bed. "You're drunk, way too drunk. A really drunk john always means trouble, I should have known better, but your story was so sad and I thought you had sweet eyes and I just felt sorry for you. I'm sorry your woman stood you up, but, if you were gonna treat her like that, it's probably for the best, you know."

Chakotay flopped back down on the bed and held his head in his hands as he sobbed. "That's just it, honey, I wouldn't have treated Kathryn like that, I never would have, never! I don't know what happened, what came over me, I'm not like that, I'm so sorry."

She went on talking as she got a washcloth and cleaned him and then herself up a bit. "It's OK, it happens, everybody loses it every now and then. You were mad at her or yourself or the whole world or something and you took it out on me. Just give me another twenty and we'll just call it even, OK? I charge extra for anything violent like that, I don't usually do that sort of shit, OK? You want that you gotta go to one of the Orion places, not here. I gotta pay for the damage you did to the room, you understand, right, john? You had a mess of beers down in the bar before we even came up here and then a couple more while you went on about this cockamamie Kathryn thing you wanted me to do." She handed him a bottle and laid down beside him on the bed as she ate a fruit. "Go on, have some Raktajino and sober up a little before you go. You still have a little time left, it's OK long as you be a good boy."

"Thanks," Chakotay replied as he propped up the pillows and leaned back.

"So, you wanna talk?" she asked.

"Talk," he chuckled, "Honey, how many guys come up here to talk?"

"You'd be surprised," she replied as she turned on her side to face him. "Lots of guys come here and I think the only reason they do is because they need someone to talk to and they just think they gotta have the sex too or we won't listen to them. I'm not just a hooker, I'm a sex therapist, a counselor and a psychiatrist too. It kinda bothers me in a way, like, if their woman at home would talk to them, maybe they wouldn't need to pay me or something? Well, it doesn't really bother me that much, I'll take their latinum either way, I gotta make a living too. You still got time, if you wanna fuck some more and promise to be gentle, it's OK."

He rolled on his side to face her. "No, nothing personal, but I'm not in the mood anymore, I'm feeling pretty ashamed of myself, really." He gently touched a bruise on her left breast. "Sorry, I really am sorry. You have very nice breasts, I'm sorry about what I said before, you're really very pretty, you have a nice figure and you could pass for Human."

"Thanks. I take it your Kathryn has saggy boobs?"

"Yes. No. I don't really know, I've never seen or touched them."

"I thought you said Kathryn was your girlfriend or something? Hey, is she really real or from some porn holosuite program or something or did you just make her up?"

"No, she's real, I had a cup of tea with her just last night. We used to be good friends a long time ago, really really good friends, the best of friends you could ever imagine, but we were never lovers. Anyhow, it's a long story, we used to work together, then we got back… well, uh… I mean the job was over and she went one way and I went another and we lost touch over the years. Well, I did something dumb that hurt her too. Anyhow, out of nowhere she's here on business and, by chance, walked into where I work last night. It didn't start off too good, but eventually we had a cup of tea and I invited her for dinner tonight. I cleaned myself up, stayed sober all day and cooked all the things I knew she liked and…."

"And, let me guess," she interrupted, "She stood you up?"

"Yeah, you got it… uh, what was your name?"

"Anji. Yours?"

"Uh… Paris, Tom Paris."

She grinned, she'd been at this long enough to know almost nobody gave her their real name, especially after they'd smacked her around. "Oh, so, are you from France?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"Nice to meet you. Did you try to call her? Maybe she got tied up or something? You did say she was here on a business trip and you know how doing business with those damn Ferengi is. I bet that's it." She pushed his sweaty hair back and traced his tattoo with her little finger. "You're a little chubby for my taste, but cute and I bet you clean up real nice. What woman in her right mind would stand you up?"

"I wanted to call her, but she never told me what hotel she's staying at. I even tried the most likely ones and she wasn't at any of them. Well, I don't know for a fact she's even staying here in town or maybe she's registered under another name or has changed her name or something, I don't know, I don't even know where she lives now. She told me the name of the company she's working for, but I was drunk last night and I don't remember stuff so good when I'm drunk."

She brushed his hair back out of his eyes again. "Who does? Well, maybe it'll come to you, tattoo man. How long is she here for?"

"I don't remember that either. Shit, I wish I didn't drink so much!"

"You need help, I know a place, they dry you up quick."

"No thanks, I don't think I could live on Ferenginar and work a lousy dead end job without drinking and, knowing I might have had another chance with Kathryn and I fucked it up, oh shit shit shit damn it all to hell!"

"Hey, baby, maybe she will come back? She knows where you work, right? If the Sacred Fates wish it, it will happen, you know. Well, I guess you don't believe in them, but I do. Maybe you should ask for their help?" Anji could tell Chakotay wasn't listening. "Well, honey, I'm sorry, but your time is up. I have a regular coming soon, so you have to go."

"Oh, yeah," he replied as she slipped his shirt on over his head and grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair. Chakotay pulled a bag out his pocket and tossed a bar of latinum on the bed. "Here, sorry again I hurt you. You were great, thanks."

She bit the latinum to make sure it was real. "Sure, no problem, and long as you promise to be nice, maybe you could come back sometime and I could be your Kathryn again for you?"

As Chakotay pushed the button for the door, he looked back at her, laying naked on the bed and covered with a smattering of bruises and bites, born of violence and not lovemaking. Tears came to his eyes as he reached for his money bag and placed all the latinum he had with him on the table. "I'm sorry, Anji, I really am. Thank you and, nothing personal, but you couldn't hold a candle to Kathryn, no woman could."

She nodded as the door slid shut and she took out the dermal regenerator and summoned the maid to clean up the room, for she knew that the tattoo man would never be back.

Chapter Three

When Chakotay got up the next morning, he had the worst hangover he thought he had ever had in his life and swore off drinking and hookers for the eighty ninth time. After making the preparations for first meal, he conned his assistant Nok into working that meal for him so that he could go upstairs and go back to bed until the heavier second meal crowd started to filter in. Thankfully, the Ferengi only ate two meals a day, so that's all he had to cook. He knew he'd get stuck doing the inventory for Nok the next time it had to be done and he hated doing inventory, but it was a small price to pay for the opportunity to puke into his trash can again and bang his head against the wall until that hurt more than his headache did and less than his heart did.

The third time he heard someone yell up the stairs, Chakotay got up, ran his corpse through the shower, put his chef uniform on and dragged what was left of himself into the kitchen. Nobody in the kitchen gave him much notice as it wasn't the first time he'd practically drunk himself into a coma and wouldn't be the last. As long as he could cook, nobody really cared what he did on his own time. He was grateful for that as he gathered a tub of vegetables and threw them into the sink to wash. Nok was the sous chef, it was his job to do less skilled things like prepare vegetables, but Chakotay really wasn't in a position to hassle him about it that particular afternoon. Nok had saved Chakotay's butt more than once by working for him or even lying to the owner of the restaurant about why he wasn't at work, so his Ferengi ass was one that needed to be kissed every now and then. Chakotay cracked a smile as he thought back to his days on Voyager a lifetime ago and saluted Nok with a carrot, for he suddenly felt very much like an early Tom Paris. His smile turned to a frown as he realized Tom had ended up happily ever after with the woman he loved and a beautiful child, probably several by now, and all he had was a very bad hangover after an evening with a cheap hooker whose name he couldn't remember. No no, he laughed to himself, after what he had given her, she was an expensive hooker.

They had a pretty good crowd that night and everyone was working hard to keep up. That actually made it easier for Chakotay as the shift passed more quickly and he didn't have time to think about how lousy he felt. The servers were making good tips, so they were in a good mood and not grousing as they usually did. Seeing the big crowd and knowing a good many of them would end up in the bar after they'd finished eating, the bar manager sauntered into the kitchen and gave Chakotay a smile and a beer as she knew she'd be having a good night too. He toasted her and polished off half the bottle before he realized he'd better slow down as he hadn't been able to keep any food down all day, so his stomach was empty save for what he tasted while seasoning the evening's dishes.

Moxx, the head waiter, came into the kitchen, set up the coffee maker again, grabbed two slices of lemon pie, put them on his tray and said, "I need two stuffed chop platters and a two spaghettis for table four. Oh, and table twelve asked to see the chef."

Chakotay grabbed two chops and spread some seasonings on them before he tossed them on the grill. "Those were the last two chops, Moxx, so edit the menu and tell the customers I'm too busy to come out and we don't give out our recipes, yadda yadda, you know the drill."

"Yadda yadda yadda…" Moxx mimicked as he hoisted up the tray of desserts and pasted on a smile of perfectly sharpened teeth as he went to deliver the desserts and coffee. He came back in a few minutes and picked up some bowls of soup. "What is it with Tellarites thinking soup is for dessert? Wrong wrong wrong! Hey, Chef, we're almost out of mushroom soup, but I think table four is probably the last of them. Oh, twelve still hasn't ordered, they still want to see you first."

Chakotay's patience was wearing thin. "Are they pissed off we're out of chops or what? I can't make any more damned chops out of thin air, you know, we don't even have a friggin' replicator! Push the fish, we have plenty of that, tell 'em it's fish chops, I can even stuff 'em with the mushrooms if they want. I still have some spaghetti left and plenty of rice pilaf too. Get out of here, Moxx, just go make them happy. Placating annoying customers is your job and cooking the food is mine. Got it?"

"Yes, Chef", he mumbled as he made his escape.

As Chakotay pulled the chops from the grill and put them aside to rest while he prepared the sauce for them, he heard a commotion in the dining room. He went to investigate, but a sizzle from the stove called him back. "Damn drunks!" he muttered under his breath, for it was several times a week some of the locals arrived early to have dinner before their night of debauchery in the bar and were already tanked up enough to cause problems in the restaurant. Although they were connected and operating under the same business permit, the bar and restaurant were as different as night and day. The restaurant, although a bit shabby and run down, was a respectable establishment suitable for families and the bar, well, it was a typical Ferengi den of inequity. Raised voices again got Chakotay's attention as he headed for the dining room; loud noise was bad for both business and his hangover. Upon hearing the bar manager's voice, he retuned to the stove as it was enough to reassure him the problem would soon be efficiently handled. Naneen, the bar manager, was a force to be reckoned with. She was a good ten centimeters taller than Chakotay, probably a twenty kilos heavier, a deeper blue than the Aegean Sea and took crap off of absolutely nobody. She could quickly and efficiently handle any problem, indeed the mere sight of her was all it took ninety nine percent of the time. The other one percent, well he doubted they lived to tell. Chakotay stayed on Naneen's good side, both for his health and for the free drinks she'd slip him. It went both ways, she had a fondness for fish sticks with macaroni and cheese and he had one for whiskey and imported bottled beer.

Naneen stormed into the kitchen and ran towards the small office in the back. Chakotay kept working and plated the chops, sauced them, put the plates in warm stasis and signaled Moxx they were ready for pick up. He knew better than to get near Naneen when she was mad, she and a breeched warp core had a lot in common. Naneen eventually came out and showed him a wound oozing bright blue droplets of blood that she was dabbing at with a wad of gauze as she tossed the first aid kit on the counter. "The bitch bit me!" she exclaimed as she scarfed down the bits of fat Chakotay had trimmed off a piece of meat and left on the cutting board.

"Here, " he said as he reached into the cooler and handed her a whole bowl of meat trimmings, "I was saving them for you to surprise you later." He grabbed a jar off the spice rack and gave the fat and gristle scraps a liberal coating of red pepper. "Just the way you like them, sweetheart! I heard the commotion in the restaurant. What happened, one of your girls get out of line or a john stiff her or something?" He ran his hands under the sanitizer and grabbed the first aid kit. "Here, sit down and let me fix that for you."

She kept shoving food in her mouth and talking. "Mmmm, no, some woman, mmm mmm mmmm um some crazy bitch, oh, this is so good! Thanks, sweetie. No, Mmmmmoxx called me, some crazy tourist was obviously lost and kept asking for something or other and stared screaming and yelling when Moxx told her we didn't have any. Oh, spirits but this is good. Anyhow, I heard the noise and went out to see because I fired a girl for skimming last night and thought she had come back to make trouble. Mmmmm… apparently drunk wrong way tourist bitch wanted chardonnay and I told the skank at least three times to shut up and get out because we didn't serve wine in the restaurant or want her kind in the bar either. She didn't, so I dragged her out kicking and screaming and the fucking bitch bit me!" Naneen laughed as she inspected Chakotay's doctoring job and he returned to his pot on the stove. She have him a good pat on the rear. "Thank you, sweet cheeks, come on in the bar when you're done and I'll doctor you up a couple drinks." She started laughing again. "You should have seen the bitch, she was lying there in the gutter and still kept yelling for Chardonnay… well, she was so drunk she kept slurring her words and calling it 'shark o tay' or something like that."

"What? Here, stir this!" Chakotay yelled as he shoved a spoon at Naneen, threw off his hat and ran out of the kitchen and into the street. He ran down the street, saw the body in the gutter and flipped it over. "Shit, wrong one, he replied as he saw it was a regular bar patron that had passed out before his taxi arrived." Chakotay looked around and ran towards the transport station as he screamed "Kathryn, wait!" at the top of his lungs. As Chakotay ran into the station he shoved the people waiting in line aside, vaulted the railing and lunged for the chestnut ponytail as it shimmered away.

They were both in mid scream as they materialized and immediately attracted attention. Chakotay couldn't talk, he just wrapped his arms around Kathryn and cried.

"Dammit, Chakotay!" she yelled as she pushed him away. "Let go of my hair and what did you do, I'm still here?"

"What?" he looked up and got his bearings. Chakotay realized they were still at the same corner transport station and attracting attention because they were holding up the line, so he grabbed Kathryn's hand and pulled her off the platform. "I'm sorry, c'mon, let's get out of here, I can explain."

"Forget it! Why didn't I transport? Dammit, Chakotay, I'm going to have to wait in line again!" she groused as she pulled her hand away.

He grabbed her hand again. "No, Kathryn, no, I can explain, please come back and talk to me and let me explain."

"Forget it, I don't want to talk to you! Fact is, I don't ever want to see you again after what just happened to me. Go away and leave me alone."

Fortunately for Chakotay, Kathryn had no choice but to listen to him unless she wanted to lose her place in the transporter queue, so he had a precious few moments to plead his case. "Kathryn, I'm sorry. They misunderstood you, they thought you wanted wine and we don't serve alcohol in the restaurant. The waiters don't really speak Standard all that well, they misunderstood, I didn't even know you were there, I was in the kitchen. Oh, Kathryn, I'm so sorry, but I didn't know."

"Chakotay, I asked for you by name, plain and simple, Cha-ko-tay. How the hell did he manage to mess up that, you only have one name! Would you care to explain?"

"Kathryn, I can explain, he didn't know it was me!" He leaned in and spoke more quietly so he couldn't be overheard. "Kathryn, I was in some… some legal trouble back on Earth, long story, but I had to get a new identity and change my name so I could get travel documents, so that's why the waiter didn't know who you wanted, that you were looking for me."

"Legal trouble?" she asked as she finally got to the front of the line and slid her transporter pass under the scanner. "So, are you a fugitive?"

"Yeah, kinda," he replied as he played with his earlobe. "It was just financial, I didn't kill anybody or anything like that. Come back to the restaurant with me and I'll fix you some dinner and we can talk?" She shook her head no. Chakotay leaned over the barrier and pled his case, not caring who was listening. "Kathryn, please! Come on, I'm sober tonight… pretty much, I swear. I'll fix you dinner, I'll stop drinking, I'll lose weight, I'll shave and cut my hair, I'll do anything you want, I will, I swear! Please, Kathryn, please!"

"I don't think so. Goodbye Cha… whoever you are now," Kathryn said as she shimmered out of existence.

Chakotay again leapt over the barrier and threw himself at Kathryn as he shouted, "Wait, Kathryn, wait, I love you!" Unfortunately this time he was too late and there was no mass to stop him, so he just flew across the pad, smacked into the wall and fell to the floor as people ignored him and stepped over his body to transport out. He curled up into the fetal position as he mumbled Kathryn's name over and over again and cried.

Chapter Four

Chakotay returned to the restaurant and found a beer waiting for him on the prep table. He polished half of it off in one gulp as he started putting things away and shutting up the kitchen for the night. Apparently the rest of the staff must have heard what had happened as they had already done almost all of the work for him and left him in peace to finish up the few things he always insisted on doing personally. As Chakotay locked up his expensive chef's knives and put the remaining plate garnishes back into the cold stasis room, he spied another bottle of beer in there next to the pod of tomatoes and silently thanked Naneen.

The dining room was now deserted, so he lowered the illumination to twenty five percent, sat at his favorite table in the back corner, put his feet up on another chair and worked on the beer in silence as he dined on ashes. As Chakotay took the last swig and reached to put the empty bottle on the table, a big blue hand snatched it from his and replaced it with another. "Thanks," he replied without looking up.

"Sure, sweetie, no problem," she replied as she gave his shoulder a gently squeeze. "I know it's not your thing, but if you ever wanna talk, you know where I am… sometimes it helps. I'm so sorry, if I had known…"

"No, no, it's OK," he replied as reached up and gave her hand a pat. "You didn't know, it's not your fault, it was just fate, something that wasn't meant to be, that's all. I fucked up my own life, Naneen." She left and went back to work, making sure he never ran out of beer.

After about an hour and four or five more beers, Chakotay had his head buried in his folded arms on the table and had slipped into that detached state that alcohol brought him. He felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder again. "Thanks, Naneen," he replied as he held up his hand for another beer. "I'm hungry now, sweetie, can you go fix me an omelet or something?"

"Sorry, I can't cook."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay was barely able to get a word out of his mouth as he looked up from the pile of ashes that had buried him alive at the table.

"Yes," she replied quietly as she smiled slightly. "You were right, we need to talk, so would you buy a lady a drink?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied as Kathryn pulled out a chair and seated herself. Chakotay was still in a daze and just stared at her.

She took him in a little bit longer and started. "I'm sorry, I should have at least let you explain. As soon as I got back to my hotel I did some thinking and it occurred to me I have done a lot of things over the last ten years or so that I'm not too proud of too."

"Join the club," he replied as he toasted her with his beer. "Oh, what I said before about being sober, well, that's not exactly true now."

"So I figured," she replied, a certain tone of disgust in her voice.

"Oh, sorry, what do you want to drink, Kathryn? Let's go in the bar and I'll get you whatever you want, on the house."

"White wine would be nice, if you have that, but after the other night, maybe it would be best if I didn't go in the bar? Maybe you could just go get it for me and I'll wait here?"

He grabbed her hand and tugged. "It's OK, you'll be fine if I'm with you, nobody will touch you. You can look over the wines and pick out what you want, they have a lot of them."

Kathryn was reluctant. "Doesn't that big blue behemoth of a bouncer work in there?" She looked to the hostess' podium, where the woman flashed Kathryn a dirty look and retuned to her computer screen. Kathryn wrenched her hand from Chakotay's and grabbed her purse off the table as she said, "Chakotay, maybe it would be best if I left? I don't want to make any problems for you and I think I am."

"What? It's no trouble, it's fine. Naneen will apologize to you, that waiter misunderstood and she overreacted, that's all. I told you, they don't know me as Chakotay here, they didn't understand and, you know Ferengi, they overreact to almost everything, especially arrogant waiters. Kathryn, if you really don't want to go in the bar, I'll go get you a drink and you can wait here."

Kathryn sat back down and then thought better of it and stood up. "Chakotay, I know you're married or have a live in girlfriend or whatever and I don't want to cause trouble for you, so maybe it would be better if we didn't have a drink together?"

"What? Kathryn, no I don't, what are you talking about?"

"Don't lie to me, Chakotay! The other day when I was in your apartment you slipped and said 'we keep a clean house", not I do, but we do. When I used your bathroom I put my towel in the hamper and couldn't help but notice there were women's clothes in there too and two toothbrushes in the rack and things on the shelf that only women use, unless you have sprouted a uterus and menstruate now. Chakotay, it's fine, I'm glad you found someone, I'm happy for you, but I really hate being lied to and you know that."

"Kathryn, you're wrong, let me explain...,"

"Let me explain, that's your new mantra isn't it? Chakotay, that hostess, she just shot me the evil eye again for the tenth time. If looks could kill, we'd both be dead now. It's her isn't it? Gods, but it's really a shitty thing to do right in front of her when she doesn't approve!"

"Do? Do what, Kathryn? We're just talking. If you would shut up for a minute and can the Starfleet admiral I can give the orders routine, I'll explain everything. Sit down, Kathryn, SIT DOWN!" She finally did, so he grabbed the hostess and dragged her over by the wrist. "Kathryn, you were right, I don't live alone, I live with her. Fact is, we have lived together, on and off, since she came out of my mother's womb. Kathryn, this is my sister Sakaya. I showed you pictures of her back on Voyager, doesn't she look familiar, don't you remember? Sakaya, say hello to Kathryn."

She twisted away from his grasp and curtsied slightly as she bowed her head. "Hello, Ma'am, nice to meet you. It's true, I am his sister and I'm sorry my brother is DRUNK AGAIN and acting like a fool. May I get you anything, something to eat or drink?" She glared at Chakotay again. "Apparently he isn't sober enough to remember his manners… and I apologize, but I was glaring at him, Ma'am, not you."

"Shut up, Kaya! I did ask her, she wants white wine and I am not drunk, I've only had a couple beers."

"I'm not drunk!" Sakaya mocked as she imitated Chakotay and weaved back and forth. She counted on her fingers as she said, "Let's see, you've had what, seven or eight beers since we closed and what time was it this morning when you finally stumbled home and puked in the trashcan in the bathroom and left it for me to clean up again before you passed out in your clothes across your bed without even turning it down and…." She kept mumbling as she walked back to her podium to finish the day's ledgers.

Kathryn sat back and laughed as she tossed her purse on the table. "Yeah, no doubt, you're brother and sister, I believe you!"

"No, you were right before, Kathryn. The way she nags, we must be married!" Chakotay said as he made an obscene gesture at his sister's back.

"I saw that!" she shouted as she sat back down.

"Eyes in the back of her head," Chakotay joked.

"She must be a teacher," Kathryn added.

"Actually, she is. That's how we ended up here, she answered an ad for a Standard language teacher and I one for a chef for a restaurant specializing in Earth food. We had some… problems and had to get out of Federation space, so we got fake identities and eventually ended up here. It was at the height of the Earth culture craze on Ferenginar, so they were hiring just about anyone Human who would come here." He was interrupted by a waitress from the bar, who served Kathryn a bottle of wine and a glass and placed a cup and pot of coffee in front of Chakotay as his sister smirked at him from across the room. She also sat a bowl of snacks down between them, but he put it back on the waitress' tray as he said "She won't eat those things, please go get her a bowl of pretzels or utta berries or something."

Kathryn snatched the bowl back off the tray. "No, no, I love these things and this wine will be perfect, thank you so much!" She shoved a handful of the crispy little snacks in her mouth and moaned in delight as she savored them. "Mmmm, I love these things and they seem to serve them everywhere and they're the only thing on this planet that tastes half way decent. They're called 'boks lox' right? Chakotay, what does that mean in English?"

"Fried tube grubs," he replied as Kathryn threw up into her mouth. He went into the bar, quickly came back and handed her a bottle of water and a napkin as he put another bowl on the table. "Go on, rinse your mouth out. Here, eat some utta berries and get the taste out of your mouth."

Kathryn rinsed and spit into the napkin as he poured her a glass of wine. "It's not the taste I mind, it's the thought of them. Gods, Chakotay, that's all I've been eating since I got here except for those cookies you gave me." She wiped her face again and put the napkin aside on the next table. "Chakotay, I'm sorry I didn't come last night, but I got invited to a meeting of the women's scholastic society at the university and I had to go. I get a bonus for each employee I recruit and I really need the money and couldn't pass up the opportunity to speak with so many educated young women. I called, but when I asked for you they told me the chef was somebody Ronald or something and cut me off, I could barely understand the man. I tried to get the information to contact you from the city locator service, but they kept telling me there was nobody by that name, I even had the desk clerk at my hotel try to help me."

Chakotay poured her another glass of wine. "Like I told you, my sister and I had to get fake IDs, we're here under assumed names, nobody knows who we really are." He pulled his ID from his pocket, clicked it on and handed it to her. "My name is Charles Renard now and I'm from France. I go by Charlie here, which sounds enough like Chakky that I answer to it. My sister called me Chakky when she was little because she couldn't say Chakotay right and it stuck."

"Nice to meet you, Chakky," Kathryn replied with a giggle. "It looks pretty genuine to me, but do you even speak any French?"

"Not really, but my sister speaks a little. It doesn't matter, I don't think there's a soul on Ferenginar that speaks more than ten words of French. We paid a lot for our IDs and they were good enough to get us to Ferenginar, but they're not nearly good enough to get us into Federation space, not that either of us could go back anyhow."

"Why not, Chakotay?"

"Like I said, I had some financial problems."

"Chakotay, I have financial problems too, but I still have a Federation passport and I can come and go as I please. Tell me, what happened?"

"It's complicated, Kathryn. Say, have you had dinner? I did invite you for dinner, so I guess I owe you one."

"You did and, no, I'm starved and I believe you promised me some pot roast and you said you were hungry before, didn't you? Have you had dinner?"

"Not exactly." He stood and pointed the way to the kitchen. "Please, step into my office and I'll get out the leftover pot roast from last night and heat it up and then we can eat and you can interrogate me some more after dinner."

"Chakotay, I'm not trying to interrogate you, just catch up. If you don't want to tell me anything, that's just fine, but you should know my past since Voyager is pretty tarnished too and I have very little to be proud of and plenty of regrets. Losing touch with you is one of them and I would like to rectify that. You and I did not part ways on the best of terms and I now regret it."

"So do I," he replied as he hung his head and reached out to cue the kitchen door open. "Let's get some dinner and then we can sit and have a nice long talk, OK?"

"OK!"

Chapter Five

After dinner Chakotay brought out a big pot of coffee as he activated the force field to shut out the noise of the adjoining bar and joined Kathryn at a table. He poured them each a cup, sat down and put his feet up an a chair. "I'm sober now. My sister is right, I do drink too much, I have for years and you see what it's done to me, I even eat pot roast now. Well, where do we start?"

She kicked off her shoes and put her feet up too. "Well, I don't want you to feel like I'm interrogating you, so why don't you start and just tell me what you want to."

"OK, fair enough, where do I start?"

Kathryn slid down into her chair and got more comfortable as she pushed her coffee aside and poured herself a glass of wine. "Well, I read something about your wedding with Seven and I think I lost track of you about then, so why don't you start there? Oh, and, by the way, I was pretty miffed I wasn't invited to the wedding and you two never answered any of my messages. I think I still have the toaster I got you for a wedding gift stashed away somewhere."

Chakotay laughed so hard coffee came through his nose. "I wasn't invited to the wedding either. Kathryn, Seven got married, but it wasn't to me. The announcement was pretty brief and there were no pictures or details that leaked to the press, so I think a lot of Voyager people assumed it was me she married, but it wasn't. Her aunt didn't approve of me in the least and it wasn't a week 'til she had Seven… her royal highness Miss Annika, fawning all over some 'proper' Swedish guy that had blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin and a much better pedigree than I do. That's who she married, I was in Sweden less than a week. After that I felt like a real chump and tucked my tail between my legs and hid out knocking around Europe a while on the token pittance Starfleet gave me and I ended up in France 'til I ran into problems there. What about you, I saw on the news you got married too, some Commodore twice you age or something, right?"

"Yeah, that one lasted less than a year and he wasn't that old, Chakotay."

"That one? How many times have you been married, Kathryn?"

"Just twice, you?"

"Never."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I'm a fat old drunk, who would want me?"

She didn't argue. "Chakotay, just so you know, I had nothing to do with the way Starfleet practically stiffed you and some of the other former Maquis. I had every expectation they would pay you what you were due as a first officer and I was shocked when I found out what happened. I did everything I could, I want you to know that, but I fell from grace pretty fast after I got promoted to admiral and Admiral Paris retired and nobody would listen to me anymore and there was nothing I could do."

He poured her more wine. "Kathryn, you didn't fall from grace, as you say, over the thing with my pay, did you?"

"Oh no, it had nothing to do with that, I dug my own grave."

"What then, if I may ask?"

"Who's running the inquisition now?" Kathryn laughed. "I'm just kidding," she assured as she toasted him with her wine. "In vino veritas, so I'll tell you the truth and share my long sad sob story with you because you're probably the only person I know who will listen and not judge me because you already know better. OK, here goes! My promotion was controversial at best as I had about as many enemies as friends after all the hoopla was over and more than a few people questioned a lot of the things I did in the Delta Quadrant and I was almost brought up on charges twice. The only thing that really saved my ass and ultimately got me promoted was that the press had made me their darling and Starfleet really needed that for the PR after all the negative stuff from the wars. They desperately needed a hero and a success story who could look pretty in pictures and handle the press and entice people to join up and the Federation to fund Starfleet and that was me… and being an admiral's daughter didn't hurt either."

"So what happened?"

"Well, I think the last straw was when they found out I snuck out of the Organian Ambassador's address at Federation HQ and spent the afternoon at the Econolodge with Admiral Talbot."

He laughed heartily again. "What? Since when is blowing off a boring speech that big a deal and Starfleet has no business in who you were uh, socializing with."

"Unfortunately Admiral Talbot's wife, Federation Ambassador Channa, didn't see it that way. Neither did my husband. He was a commodore, remember? The tabloids got wind of the story and it wasn't long before it was suggested that I had my thirty years in and it might be a really good idea if I retired early. Well, I decided I wasn't going down without a fight, so I hired an attorney. He said it was the best thing to do because, if they brought up Voyager again and found some trumped up charges to court martial me on, I would lose my pension and all my benefits. They had me, so I retired and tried to disappear."

Chakotay really was shocked. "Wow, Kathryn, I would never have figured you of all people for getting into a mess like that. Do you think maybe Talbot framed you to get rid of you?"

"No, not at all, it ultimately ruined his marriage and career too. We had been running around for more then a month, I guess we just weren't as careful and discrete as we thought. Turns out several compromising pictures of us turned up thanks to motel security cameras."

He shook his head and laughed again. "Wow, I just never figured you for the running around kind, Kathryn."

"You mean because I never ran around with you or anyone else on Voyager? I'm sorry, Chakotay, I've had a little too much wine, that didn't come out right."

"Yes it did, but that's not what I meant, I understand your reasons for that. Maybe I don't know you as well as I thought I did, but I always pictured you as somebody who wouldn't do… some of the things you did. I mean, sometimes I would see stuff in the tabloids about you, but I figured it was a bunch of lies and doctored up photos."

"Most of it was, but some of it wasn't. Chakotay, I was a different person back when you knew me and that Kathryn Janeway never would have cheated on her husband and slept around; that much of the tabloid stuff was true. I didn't sleep with everyone they say I did, but I was unhappy in my marriage almost from the start and all the pressure Starfleet and the press and everyone else was putting on me and I just went off the deep end for a while and behaved badly. It was wrong and it cost me my first marriage and my relationship with my sister and even my own mother didn't speak to me for a couple years."

"Sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you and your mother made up and maybe your sister will come around and make up with you too?"

"I doubt it, she caught me giving her husband a massage."

"Kathryn, she overreacted, there's nothing wrong with that. I gave you a few massages as I recall."

"Chakotay, I had clothes on, he was naked."

"Oh…"

"And so was I."

"OHHHH!" he gulped.

"And it wasn't exactly his sore neck I was massaging. It was wrong, but that was all we did, I never ever had sex with him, all the way I mean. We were in the hot tub because I was over there helping out with the kids and he and Phoebe had had a big fight the night before over money and she took off. He'd been drinking and was telling me about it and it somehow escalated and our swim suits came off and… It was still very wrong of me, but I didn't feel that bad about it at the time and justified it to myself because Phoebe and I had had some recent arguments too and I knew she was cheating on him and had been for more than a year. Anyhow, they worked it out and are still together, but she still won't speak to me and she thinks I'm the one that told him about her extra curricular activities, but I didn't."

"Wow!" he exclaimed as he took it all in. "Well, Kathryn, my sister was really mad at me because I pretty much ruined her life on top of mine, but we made up, well sorta… No, we did, I love my sister dearly and our problems are over my lifestyle and I can't fault her on that. What about your second marriage?"

She poured a bit more wine. "Oh, that one lasted longer and it was happy for a while because he was kind and intelligent and had a good job as an executive with an import export firm on Bajor. I wrote a few books and we had a nice house in the valley and a condo on Bajor too, but we eventually drifted apart." She laughed as she ate another cookie. "I think it was my payback for being such a slut when I first got back because I wasn't feeling well and came home early one day and caught him with the housekeeper. The ultimate irony of it all is she was able to do what I wasn't and she had his child about six months later and, last I heard, they are still very happily married and expecting their third. It's funny, I had my head back together when I married him and I never cheated on him, I never so much as looked at another man. I honestly think the marriage would have lasted if I had been able to get pregnant. What about you, you have any kids?"

"Not that I know of! No, seriously, I don't. All I've done is drift around and dodge the authorities and I knew I couldn't have a long term relationship, so I never lied to anyone that I could. If I ever had a child, I would want to be a proper father to it and good husband to his or her mother. My sister says I'm not grown up enough to have kids yet and she's right. I'm a drunk, Kathryn, a good for nothing drunk."

"Have you ever thought of getting help, Chakotay? I mean to stop drinking, then you could maybe make some other changes. What happened, Chakotay, why did you have to change your name and run away and all that? What's all that cloak and dagger stuff you keep referring to? You told me before you didn't do anything bad like kill someone, but what did you do? You said it was financial, did you run out on some bills, rob a bank or steal a car or something?"

"Yeah, all that" he grinned, "I stole something alright."

"What?"

"A starship, Kathryn."

"Huh?"

"Kathryn, The Val Jean, my ship, I stole it."

"You mean the Maquis did?"

"No, I did, I used a fake ID to pretend I was a rich Terelian businessman and I used a bogus credit account for a company that didn't really exist to buy it from the Akdhani. By time they figured it out, I was already out in the Badlands. Anyhow, it wasn't too long after we got back from the Delta Quadrant that the Akdhani authorities must have seen some of the Voyager interviews on the news or something and even they were smart enough to figure out who stole their starship. It was my inexperience at being a thief that nailed my coffin shut, I didn't know they recorded a DNA profile too when I signed for the Val Jean. They issued a warrant for my arrest and they almost got me in France, but I got away and took off. I settled with my sister, but someone must have tipped the authorities off because they came for me again, but luckily I wasn't home at the time and I got away again. They arrested Sakaya for harboring a fugitive and she jumped bail as soon as she got out and we took off to the Mutara Sector and ended up on Nimbus Three."

Kathryn wrinkled her nose. "Nimbus Three? Isn't that the anus of the galaxy?"

"No, it's not that nice, but it is a good place to disappear to. We hid out there a while and were eventually able to make enough to purchase new identities, from a Ferengi trader ironically, and, long story short, we answered an ad for Human workers on Ferenginar, and here we are… still."

"Wow," was all Kathryn could manage.

"So, now you understand why I literally disappeared off the face of the Earth and I haven't exactly kept in touch with anyone? Kathryn, please, I beg of you, don't tell a soul you saw me, OK? The Ferengi don't have an extradition treaty with the Federation, but, if there's a reward for me, you can bet they would turn me in."

She reached across the table and patted his arm. "Of course, Chakotay, your secret is safe with me. You know, come to think of it, some guy came to my office not too long before I retired and was asking me some questions about you… casual like, did I know where you were, could I get him an interview with you, that sort of thing. He wasn't quite like most reporters and I got suspicious maybe he was a private detective somebody's wife had hired or something as I was really carrying on back then, so I tossed him out as fast as I could. I can't remember anything about him now and I assumed my aide had arranged it and checked his credentials and all. I bet he was from Federation Security or Interpol or something."

"I'm sure of it."

"Chakotay, will you answer me one thing and swear it'll be the truth?"

"Of course, Kathryn, and everything I have told you tonight is the truth."

'"Did you do anything else? Are you wanted for anything more than stealing a starship?"

"Like that's not enough? Well, I left Earth pretty fast and I was… and still am broke, so there's probably some claims of unpaid bills against me, but, as far as I know, I am only wanted for the starship thing. Well, I also used the same ruse to get most of my supplies and equipment for Val Jean at the same time, but that's it, I swear. Look, Kathryn, I'm not proud of what I did, but I did what I had to do to try to save my people and I've justified it with the Spirits and we're at peace. I work hard every day and make an honest living here. I admit I drink too much and blow most of my latinum on bars and hookers and I don't respect and look after my little sister like I should and I'm ashamed of that, but I am not involved in anything illegal and I don't gamble and I have never messed with drugs. There, that's it, that's the truth! Anything you'd care to confess?"

"Well, I pretty much told you everything. I'm a little drunk right now, but I don't usually drink that much, I never did. I'm pretty close to broke too and one more late payment away from losing my car, but I have never been in trouble with the law beyond some financial problems, all my troubles were moral. The economy back on Earth is pretty bad right now, I don't have a full time job, but I get by from my Starfleet pension, dwindling royalties from my books, some consulting work like the job that brought me here and occasional personal appearances as a B list celebrity and I am working hard to pay my debts off. Oh, and I did try some ketracel once at a party, but it gave me such a bad headache that I never touched the stuff again." Kathryn sat up straight and took Chakotay's hands. "Chakotay, have you ever tried to get yourself some help? I have no right to judge you and I'm not trying to, but I know how I felt when I hit rock bottom and realized what sort of person I had become and how my life was out of control and going down the refuse chute fast. My life really spun out of control after my second marriage ended and I went back to my old ways and I hit rock bottom and finally went to counseling and got some help. Luckily I still have my Starfleet medical benefits, so I could get the treatment I needed. In therapy I learned that my so out of character behavior was a reaction to losing what was one of my most cherished things and that was my career. As I felt it slipping away from me I started doing self destructive things to hurry the process and punish myself. I'm sure you know me well enough to know beating myself up over my bad decisions is actually totally in character for me. My counselor equated it to a suicide attempt, only when I hit rock bottom, I got help and I'm getting better."

"How did you know you'd hit rock bottom, Kathryn?"

"It was when my own mother and sister disowned me and stopped talking to me after Phoebe caught me messing around with her husband. Chakotay, if you could have seen the look on my mother's face when she called me a slut, told me how much I had hurt and embarrassed her and the rest of the family with my wanton ways and then she told me I was no longer welcome in the house I grew up in and shut the door in my face. That was my rock bottom, Chakotay."

"Wow," he said softly.

"Not a week later," Kathryn sobbed, "Momma had a heart attack. I went to see her and my Nana was there and told me I wasn't welcome and accused me of causing it. Mom recovered and we eventually made up, but my grandmother never spoke to me again and died about a month later."

"Gosh, Kathryn, I'm so sorry about all that. I wasn't trying to pry, just to understand what you meant by rock bottom. I mean, I'm a pathetic excuse for a man, but my sister and I are still talking, I'm not hurting anybody but myself."

Kathryn pushed her wine aside, refilled Chakotay's coffee cup and poured herself some coffee. "Yes, you are hurting someone, only maybe you don't realize it. Chakotay, my brief encounter with your sister was all I needed to see that you are hurting someone, you're hurting her. Don't you see it? Chakotay, we used to be very close and I think I once upon a time I understood you pretty well, as complex and private a man as you are. I know that things like drinking to excess, eating meat and carrying on with prostitutes is contrary to the morals you were raised with."

"Kathryn," he interrupted, "Kaya would go nova if I brought a wh… a date home, I don't do that, our home is sacred ground. Anyhow, prostitution is legal here and, like I said, it's not like I bring them home or anything, I respect my sister's wishes."

"Do you? Do you really think your lifestyle makes her happy? Chakotay, I remember back on Voyager you and I stayed up half the night once talking about sex and morality and such and you told me you believed it was something sacred that should only happen between two people that loved each other. Did you really believe that or were you just giving me a line to try to get me in bed with you?"

He thought and hung his head for more than a minute before he looked up and gave Kathryn a little grin. "Believe it or not, I remember that evening too, it was a Thursday night after we'd had dinner and gone over the cargo manifests. I think you burned up some biryani for dinner that night, right? No, it was true and I admit I wanted to get you in bed, but never under pressure or false pretenses. I knew you needed time to get over Mark and I was content to wait and hope that I could be there for you when you did and you could fall in love with me because I sure as the spirits was in love with you."

"I did fall in love with you, Chakotay, only by time I realized it, you had moved on and it was too late."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he replied as a tear slid down his cheek.

"I'm sorry too," she replied as she caught the tear and wiped it off. "Chakotay, I'm leaving in the morning. Do you want to go back to my hotel with me and spend the night?"

He took her hands and held them between his as he spoke. "No, Kathryn, I don't. It would just be sex, a one night stand, and that was never what I wanted with you."

Chapter Six

The evening was over after that. Chakotay walked Kathryn to the transport station and watched her beam away for what he knew was forever. There was no hug and kiss or even a wave, she just stepped on the pad and left. They had exchanged information and promised they would keep in touch, but he knew in his heart they wouldn't. When he got home his sister read his eyes, gave him a hug and said she was sorry before Chakotay crawled into his bed and cried himself to sleep. The next morning he got up early, took a long walk in the rain and swore off drinking forever. By time the first customers came into the restaurant for dinner, he was drunk.

Chakotay did send Kathryn a message after a few days saying how nice it was to see her again and asking if she would let him know what had happened to various Voyager personnel, for he had forgotten to ask her when she was there. She made a note to call around and catch up so she could tell him and lost it a few days later when her comm link was shut down because she hadn't paid the bill.

Some months later Kathryn was again hired to recruit on Ferenginar for the terra forming company. She went to visit Chakotay the first night she was there, but found the restaurant had closed down and been converted to holosuites and taken over by the bar. Naneen was still there and remembered Kathryn, but said she had no idea where Chakotay and his sister had gone, they just simply disappeared one night and left no note or anything. She had never heard from them again and wasn't sure why they left, but assumed they meant to as they had left the apartment tidy and taken the time to pack up food and some of their things. Kathryn gave Naneen her contact information and she promised to call her if she ever heard from Charlie, as she knew Chakotay, or his sister again.

Kathryn dealt with the twists and turns life threw at her as best she could. She eventually lost her house and car and had to stay with Admiral and Mrs. Paris for a few weeks, but she had managed to get herself back on her feet and was doing some consulting work for a Starfleet subcontractor Owen also occasionally did work for. She met a nice guy there and they dated on and off for a few months, but it didn't work out. They parted friends, so she considered it a success rather than a failure. Although it was due to Kathryn's inability to get credit, she also considered her move back to Indiana to be a success too because it made her happy. The cost of living was lower there, the pace of life slower and the weather suited her much better.

Kathryn shook a quilt to fluff it and hung it out on the clothes line. She stood back and surveyed her work, the lines were sagging and she would have to tighten them, but she had gotten everything she wanted to air out hung up. As she grabbed the screen door to go back into the house, Kathryn turned around to look again as she pinched herself to make sure it was real. Putting her hands on her hips, she smiled as she said, "That's the way to do it, Katie, good clean country sunshine and fresh air. That's a hundred times better than some newfangled clothing refresher machine!"

"I couldn't agree more, Katie!"

"What?" she spun back around. "Is that you, Mr. Hogan?"

"Not exactly, Kathryn, may I come in?"

"Come in?" she giggled, "Chakotay, you're standing in the petunia patch." She waved him over as she ran to him. "Yes, you can come in, what are you doing here?"

They stood awkwardly and finally exchanged a stiff distant hug. "Kathryn, it's so good to see you, but you're a hard lady to find!"

"Me? Me? I looked all over Ferenginar for you when I was back there on another recruiting trip I and couldn't find you. You ever hear of leaving a forwarding address? How long have you been looking for me? Considering there's a sign on the front of the house that says Janeway, I couldn't have been that hard to find." She pointed to some Adirondack chairs under a big oak tree. "Here, have a seat and I'll go get us some lemonade. Grab that rag and give 'em a wipe first, they may not be clean."

Chakotay wiped off the chairs and took the liberty of looking out over the back yard. It was lovely and it had been a long time since he'd seen wide open green space like that. He closed his eyes and let the sun revitalize him as he tried to soak it all in.

"What's the matter, were the chairs wet or too sticky with sap?"

He spun around and smiled. "No, sorry, I was just admiring the view, that's all, it's gorgeous here, I know what you meant now. It's good to see you again, Kathryn, you look good."

"So do you," she said as she handed him a glass of lemonade. "You shaved off the beard, trimmed your hair and it looks like you lost weight and you're all dressed up nice in a suit. You look good, you have your color back, you look really healthy."

He joined her and smiled his approval of the lemonade as he sat. "Thank you, Kathryn, I do feel good, better than I have in years. I'll have three months of sobriety this Friday."

She offered a slice of pie. "Congratulations, I know how hard it is to get rid of your demons and get your life back on track. Go on, take it, it's peach and it's edible because I didn't make it, Mrs. Hogan next door did. So, are you here under an assumed name and what did you say about having a hard time finding me?"

"Wow, it is good pie, thanks again. Well, I had to go to court in Paris this morning, but the good news is I'm not going to jail. I have to pay off my old debts there and it's only right that I do, but the good news is I can do it on an installment plan I can afford once I get a job. I have an interview at Ohio State tomorrow with the archeology department that my cousin arranged, so, with any luck, I may actually have a decent job soon. So, long story short, after I got finished in Paris, Kaya and I had lunch and she went to see some of the sights with our lawyer because she had never been there before and I took a shuttle to San Francisco and then beamed up to Mill Valley to surprise you. Well, I guess you know you don't live at the address you gave me anymore and the guy who does wasn't very happy I knocked on his door just after 0600 and he threatened to call the police. So, I go back down to San Francisco to find Harry and he's moved and so had Tom and I guess you know Admiral Paris and everyone else I ever knew has moved at least twelve times since I was last on Earth…" He took a deep breath. "So, I finally found the Wildmans and called them and they told me you had moved back to Indiana, so I beamed to Indianapolis, only I wasn't paying attention or was misunderstood or something and ended up in Annapolis. Do you have any idea how much it costs now to beam clear cross county like that? Well, I'm not made of latinum, so I took a bus to Baltimore and waited an hour and took the shuttle to Indianapolis and then beamed to Bloomington and finally found someone in town who knew where the Janeway farm was, only they didn't tell me you live about ten kilometers from the nearest beaming station. I got these shoes at a thrift shop and they're a size too small and my feet are killing me after walking that far."

"Oh, Chakotay, what a story! Go ahead and take your shoes off if you'd be more comfortable. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch, I ran into some problems when I got back, lost my house and had to move around a bit. They sent me back to Ferenginar again and, as I said, I tried to find you, but…"

"Yeah, I know, we had to take off fast. I borrowed a car and had an accident and, of course I was drunk and didn't have a license or insurance or anything. The Ferengi police took me in for questioning and they were suspicious of my ID, which was fake of course, and we were pretty sure they were watching the restaurant and would find out who I really was or at least that Charles Renard didn't really exist. Sakaya and I managed to slip out with a crowd of Klingons leaving the bar that night and we obviously couldn't tell anyone where we were going because we didn't even know. Long story short, we made our way back to Nimbus Three. We worked odd jobs there and Kaya met a lawyer that was there with some legal aid program to try to help people who were fugitives on Nimbus Three because they were falsely accused and really innocent, which is just about nobody. I didn't know until he told me, but the Akdhani are no longer part of the Federation and there's no extradition treaty with them. I also didn't know the Intergalactic Court settled and declared closed all pending non violent cases resulting from the existence and actions of the Maquis more than a year ago. They knew it was practically impossible to find the remaining members and nobody wanted to pay to find them and bring them to justice anyhow. So, we worked until we had enough money to pay for the trip to Paris and we requested and were granted full pardons and reinstated as Federation citizens."

"Oh, Chakotay, that's wonderful! I'm happy for you, for both of you! Congratulations."

"Thank you, Kathryn. Oh, I guess congratulations are in order for you too, huh? Congratulations, I'm very happy for you too."

"Thank you," she replied as she scratched her head. "Uh, what did I do?"

"You got married! Kathryn!"

"Where did you hear that?"

"Nowhere, I figured it out myself. Your clothesline is full of men's clothes and," he grabbed her left hand and held it up so her rings glinted in the sun. "And you're wearing an engagement and wedding ring. Congratulations, Kathryn, I'm happy for you, I really am."

She laughed as she got up and went to the screen door. "I never could hide anything from you, could I? Would you like to meet my better half?"

He stood and buttoned his jacket as he slipped his shoes back on. "Yes, of course, I'd be honored to meet your husband and tell him what a lucky man he is."

Kathryn pulled open the screen door and yelled into the house at the top of her lungs, "Tuvok, get your lazy ass out here! Chakotay is here and he'd like to say hello." When she looked at Chakotay, he was paler than she was as he leaned back and caught the arm of the chair to steady himself. Kathryn gave Tuvok a hug as she said, "Look, Tuvok, Chakotay is here!"

Chakotay finally got to his feet and burst into laughter. "Tuvok?"

Kathryn stood behind Tuvok and played with his ears. "Well, Chakotay, he was black and had pointy ears. What would you have named him?"

"Tuvok fits," he said as the Doberman came over and licked his hands to make friends. "It fits and I'm sure Tuvok would approve."

She sat back down and the dog planted himself firmly on her feet. "I adopted him from the shelter when I moved here and he needed a new name and Tuvok just seemed to fit him and he answers to it… when he feels like it. Chakotay, those clothes on the line were Daddy's. I found them in the attic and brought them down to air out so I could give them away to charity. This was my mother's house, she passed away last month and I decided to just stay here rather than sell it." She held out her left hand. "The rings were Momma's, she put them on my hand the morning of the day she died, and I have not had the heart to take them off yet. Tuvok, some chickens and I live here, but that's it."

"I'm sorry to hear about your mother passing, Kathryn, I'm so sorry. Are you doing OK?"

"Yes, she had been ill for some time and had several cardiac replacements, so it wasn't unexpected. I'm doing fine, Chakotay, thank you. She left me the farm and I figured I could afford to live here on my pension as there's no mortgage and the farm actually does produce some income and I can raise most of my own food. I want to fix up the place and try to make a go of it as a farmer."

"You a farmer?" he laughed. "As I recall you once said you hated to muck around in the dirt."

"Well then, you should also recall that a very dear friend worked on me and I was starting to come around and change my mind about that." Chakotay sat back and polished off his lemonade as he smiled. Kathryn suddenly jumped up. "Oh, Chakotay, my manners, I'm so sorry. You ate that pie like you were famished. Have you had lunch yet, may I get you something?"

He placed his plate back on the tray. "Oh, no thank you, I had lunch in Baltimore while I was waiting. I only ate that pie like a maniac because it was so good and it's probably been at least ten years since I've had a slice of peach pie." He gave his belly a pat. "I'm trying to lose weight and get back into shape, but I keep seeing things I haven't eaten fresh in years, so I don't know how much success I'm going to have."

"Join the club," Kathryn said as she patted her belly. "Actually I have lost a little weight, what with working on the house and Mr. Tuvok here likes to go for a long walk after dinner. Dinner… Chakotay, if I promise to fix something healthy, would you like to stay for dinner?"

He started slipping his shoes back on. "Thank you, but my cousin in Ohio expects Kaya and I for dinner, so I probably should get going. We're staying there until we can get back on our feet and get jobs and all. If you have a PADD handy, I'll give you the information and maybe I could use your bathroom?"

Kathryn nudged the dog until he got off her feet so she could get up. "Of course, please come in and I'll show you the house and then I'll drive you back to the beaming station. The house is a work in progress, I'm afraid, but I'm cleaning, painting, rearranging and brightening things up from stem to stern. I'm working on a new book in the evenings too, but it's one of those frivolous trashy novels like I like to read this time. I've actually been here since just after the holidays, but I was so busy taking care of Mom, the house and grounds got neglected."

Kathryn gave Chakotay a brief tour and explained her plans to fix up the house. The house was pretty much a mess as it looked like she had projects going in every room, but seeing it was actually rather amazing as Chakotay saw all sorts of things that Kathryn had mentioned in her stories of home that she used to tell a lifetime ago on Voyager. She drove him to the transport station, with Tuvok in the back seat letting Chakotay know the entire way that he was annoyed that Chakotay was in his seat. Kathryn hugged Chakotay just before he left and it wasn't until then that he realized just how long it had been since she had hugged him and meant it. In many respects, it was the best hug he had ever had.

Chapter Seven

Chakotay called Kathryn the next day to say hello and apologized that he would be busy for a few days looking for work and occupied with friends and family dropping in to see him after so many years of being a lost soul. He had promised to help her fix up some things in the house and felt bad he couldn't get right to it. Kathryn totally understood his situation; he had a lot of catching up to do.

She called him after a couple more days and spoke with his sister, who said he wasn't there as he had gone shopping with his cousin and she had stayed home to look after the kids. Sakaya did relay that Chakotay had been hired by the university to teach some undergraduate courses, but the job didn't start until the fall semester, so he was looking for a summer job. She had to cut their conversation short because of a squabble between the kids, but had enough time to quickly shout that they were going away for a few days to a family reunion and she would tell Chakotay to call her.

As Kathryn sat down to a very late dinner, she realized that it had been over a week since she had heard from Chakotay beyond a text message last Tuesday that said he was sorry he missed her call and would call her the next day, which he didn't. She had left him some text messages, but he had only returned one and that one made it apparent he hadn't read any of the others. Kathryn slipped Tuvok the rest of her noodles, as she had overcooked them and they were in one chewy inedible lump. She put her plate on the counter, grabbed her com link from the den and sat back down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and punched some buttons as she looked at Tuvok and said, "OK, time for the shit to hit the fan!"

The comm went unanswered for a long time, so long the automated response system should have kicked in. Kathryn was about to slam the lid closed when a screech, a thud, another blood curdling scream and an a "no no, don't do thaaaat... uh oh" hit her before she heard a hello in a familiar voice.

"Chakotay, is that you? What's wrong with the vid link, I can't see you"

"Hold on, probably best that way, I could only reach one button with my toes, voice controls are disabled and my hands are full. I want to talk to you, hold on, hold on, just give me a minute. No, no, don't put that in your mouth!" She heard another series of thumps and another screech that trailed off into the distance. "Kathryn, I'm sorry, I'm here alone with the kids and I'm trying to get a clean diaper on this one so I can put him and his brother to bed. Oh shoot! Sweetheart, can you get up and go get Uncle Chakotay another diaper for your baby brother, please? Sheesh, hold on Kathryn!" It seemed like forever, but he finally came back. "Sorry, had to go get more diapers myself because little Courtney here was born without any legs and couldn't go get me some. Hold still, Goober, and let me get this on you so you can go nite nite and please quit fussing."

"His name is Goober? Uncle Chakotay? I thought you told me you were staying at your cousin's house?"

"No, it's Gordon, but they call him Goober, don't ask me why. I am at my cousin's, but Stevie cried when we came and said he wanted an aunt and uncle and not more cousins, so Courtney hit us with her wand and said we were Aunt Kaya and Uncle Chakky and it stuck. If it makes them happy, what's the difference? Give me a sec to get this done, I'll be right back, Kathryn, hold on!"

Kathryn was giggling as she pictured a peanut in a diaper and started jotting notes to remember all the kids' names and ages. "Chakotay, my heavens, it's been like ten minutes, how long does it take you to diaper a baby? No wonder he's so fussy! Maybe I should call back some other time?"

"No, please, I want to talk to you, I need to, I'm almost done, oh shoot, no I'm not. Baby butts are round and diapers are rectangular, diapering a baby requires violating the laws of physics and Starfleet never taught me how to do that, Kathryn."

She was really laughing now. "Chakotay, haven't you ever changed a diaper?"

"Not really and never on anything moving this fast. Where I come from women do this, I don't know a lot about taking care of babies… not that there's anything wrong with men doing it, just that I don't have a lot of experience. I wasn't around when my sister's kids were this age either. There you go, Goober, that looks good, now what are you fussing about?" Chakotay tried to reason with the child until his fussing escalated into screaming. "Kathryn, he's going on about something but I don't understand him, do you speak toddler?"

"Yes, I can understand him, he wants his Mary Poppins."

"Poppins, what the devil is that? Is it a pacifier? No no, he has one right here, that's a binkie, right, or is it a bankie or a boppie? Kathryn, is there a universal translator for kids? Here, Goober, try this one. Kathryn, he doesn't like this either, what do I do, what's a friggin' Poppin, is it a cookie or something?"

"Poppins, Mary Poppins, she's an English nanny, she…"

"Nanny?" Chakotay shouted, "Kathryn, do you think I'd be here doing this if these kids had a nanny? Stop that, Goober! Oh jeez, no nanny in her right mind would work here with these demon spawn!"

"Do you want me to beam over there and help you get the kids to bed?"

"No, if you saw them and this house and knew what kind of people I share some genetic material with, I'd never see you again. Kathryn, I lied to you, I don't live in Ohio, I live on Planet Chaos. Oh, he just shut up, Mary Poppins must be that doll, he grabbed it as soon as I put him down. Here, he's happy now, let me put him in the crib before he wakes his brother up. OK, they're both almost out, should I leave now or wait?"

"Go ahead and see if you can get out of the room quietly. If they start to fuss, go back. It all depends on what they're used to."

"Kathryn, the three downstairs are fighting over something and I'm worried they'll wake these two. Please let me deal with them, run damage control and get the mess from dinner cleaned up and I'll call you right back, I promise."

"Five kids? Your cousin has five kids?"

"No, seven, including sixteen month old twins. The oldest two are at hover ball practice and should be home any minute and will expect to be fed when they get here. Kathryn, please let me call you back in a few minutes, OK? I'll grab the link and lock myself in my room so we can talk. I really need to talk to you, I owe you an apology, I want to explain. I'll call you back, I swear, my sister said she'd be back by nine. Unlike everyone else around here and yours truly lately, she is reliable, so I'll call you a little after nine, OK?"

"OK, I'll go clean up the kitchen and all too, so I'll hear from you just after nine?"

"Of course, Kathryn," he replied over a bang and a scream. "Gotta go, later!"

When the clock in the corner struck ten, Kathryn put her manuscript aside and grabbed her empty wine glass to take it to the kitchen as she said, "Well, Tuvok, seems we were stood up again, but at least we know why. Come on, let's let you out and then we'll go up to bed. I'm really tired and I think I could use a hug and you're just the perfect friend to have a good cry with."

Shortly after Kathryn's head hit the pillow, the com link went off and she knew it was Chakotay, so she ignored it. It went off again and then again, so she finally crawled out of bed, put her robe on and answered. "Chakotay, it's after 2230, I was in bed and I really need to get some sleep, so please stop calling me, OK? You said you'd call almost two hours ago, I have to get up early and I don't appreciate you calling and calling this late."

"I'm sorry, I can explain, Kathryn, please?" His eyes did wonders to apologize to her. "Look, my sister was late getting back and the little banshees' parents still aren't home. After an evening with their seven kids, I understand a lot now and I'm terrified they took off and stuck my sister and I with their seven deadly sins, but I'd totally understand if they did and no court of law would ever convict them. Kathryn, they have two teenage daughters and each of them has multiple boyfriends and about three dozen girlfriends apiece and they only have O - N - E one single com link. The only way I could finally get the thing away from Elena just now was to threaten to tell her parents I know she was at the mall with her friends the other night when she told her parents she was at band practice and that she isn't even really in the band." He panned the screen around to show her his tiny room. "Look what a pink and purple teenage mess I have to sleep in! This is Elena's room, they made her move in with her little sister so I could have her room. The kids don't tell their parents when they I have calls and they 'accidentally' delete messages so their parents won't need to use the link when they get back, so I'm sure they do it to me too and lie to cover it up. I just got wise to it, obviously you left me messages I never got and that's why I didn't return calls. I am not exaggerating when I say these kids are awful and want to get rid of my sister and I as soon as they can… dead or alive."

"Chakotay, I realize we essentially went our separate ways years ago, but when I invited you over for dinner again the other night, I had really hoped perhaps it would kind of be a first date and maybe we could discuss where we were in life, where we wanted to go, how we felt about each other and maybe we could start spending more time together and see where it led. I realize we both have a lot of baggage now and plenty of water has passed under the bridge, but I was hoping maybe we could at least get back the friendship we had lost."

"I would like that too, Kathryn. I realize I have a ways to grow as a person and not much to offer you right now, but I hope to change that. I was sorry to cancel at the last minute like that, but I got offered work and I had to take it. I truly appreciate my cousin's kindness in taking my sister and I in, but it really is a living hell here. They are using my sister and I like a baby sitting and maid service and there's not much we can do because we probably don't have ten credits between us and they are giving us free room and board. I need to get us out of here as soon as possible and the only way to do that is for us to get enough together to make a deposit on an apartment and limp along until one of gets a good job or I get my first pay teaching this fall. I spend as much time as I can looking for a good summer job or taking odd jobs when I can get them. I don't have a car and beaming is expensive, so I have to take the bus or walk, it takes me time just to get around. I'm sorry, but I need to do whatever I can right now to make what we need to get off of Planet Hell."

"Chakotay, that was your 100th day of sobriety, I worked all day to make you a nice dinner to celebrate and you didn't even have the courtesy to call and cancel."

"Kathryn, I tired. I don't have a com yet, my only option is to use the one here that eleven people share or to get one of the kids to relay messages for me. I had to get right to the job or lose it, so I asked Elena to call you for me, but she obviously didn't and, of course, now would say I never told her. I do have a witness, only he can't talk much yet. I had no idea you went to all that trouble. Kathryn, I really appreciate it and I am very sorry."

"Chakotay, if there is one thing I hate, it is being lied to. I realize you don't owe me anything and are free to do as you wish, but I would hope you would at least be civil enough to tell the truth."

"Kathryn, I told her to call you, I swear! She's an irresponsible teenage kid and she forgot."

"Look, just cut the crap, boy does lying run in your family! Chakotay, when I talked to your niece, well cousin, while you went to get diapers, she told me you had a date that night. In fact, she told me Uncle Chakotay goes out on a date almost every night and she thinks you have too many girlfriends. You sure have a great social life for someone who just told me he was working and trapped taking care of kids. Dammit, Chakotay, if you don't want to see me that's fine, but why don't you just be a man and tell me?"

"Kathryn, I can explain!"

She rolled her eyes. "I seem to hear that a lot from you, don't I?"

"Kathryn, I go to a sobriety support group every night that I can get out of this hell hole, I need to be attending them every day right now, especially with the stress of living here, because I have to learn new ways of dealing with stress. My cousin didn't want to explain to the kids where I was going and why because he thinks it's something to be ashamed and embarrassed about, so the first time one of them asked where I was going every night, he told her that Uncle Chakky was going out on a date. It's their home and I hope to be gone soon, so I just went with it. I have been to a meeting almost every evening because I need to be there. I stayed home tonight so Kaya could go out on a date, seems she and our lawyer hit it off and he asked her to dinner. He's a very nice man and I don't think she's gone out on a date since she was widowed, so I am very happy that she is finally ready to date again."

"Oh, Chakotay, I'm so sorry. Oh, I mean happy for your sister, sorry that I did what I seem to be a little too good at and doubted you and rushed to judgment. I really didn't know your living arrangements were that bad."

"It's OK, Kathryn, I need to get used to that and we both have our demons and shortcomings and wouldn't have to say we were sorry quite so often if we talked more and judged less. I have been letting the people I love and care about the most down for years and part of making amends is to acknowledge that and earn their trust again. I would offer to take you out to dinner or something, but I can't afford to yet and this is not my home to invite you to, not that any sane person would come here anyhow."

"Well then, I have some people coming early tomorrow to see about fixing the roof of the barn and that will take all day and I have to go help the Hansens plant Wednesday and will probably be gone the better part of the day, so how about Thursday or Friday? What time is your meeting?"

"There's several, I can go early so I can stay later or we can have an early dinner and I can go to the ten o'clock meeting when I get back. I think I'd prefer to go to an early one so I don't have to worry about rushing home. My sister wants to go out with Thierry again on Friday night so I need to be here if my cousins want to escape and need a sitter, so how about Thursday?

"Fine, that used to be our dinner night, didn't it? What would you like me to fix, Chakotay?"

"Nothing! Let's see what you have on hand and we can fix dinner together from that. Oh, I'm back to being a vegetarian."

Kathryn sounded perturbed. "You are? Oh, I'll have to go back and fix that then." She grabbed a PADD and made herself a note. "You still eat cheese and eggs though, right?"

"Yes, Kathryn, but I'm trying to watch the cheese because of the calories. Fix what, what are you talking about?"

"My book."

"Oh, that's right, you did tell me you're working on a new one. Let me guess, a Victorian or Gothic romance novel? What's it about?"

"You know me so well! Ok, well… once upon a time there was this tall dark handsome prince and a beautiful fair Irish princess with long flowing red hair. They united their loyal subjects and their kingdoms and lived in a beautiful castle in a mysterious foreign land and they were very happy until one day a tall blonde Viking woman warrior arrived. She brought discord to the kingdom and eventually seduced the prince with magic spells and then cast him off before a dragon finally slew her for the good of mankind. The poor prince lost his mind and suddenly went off to the land of the evil little trolls and disappeared for many many years. The beautiful princess was distraught and thought he was dead and she become a wanton wench and eventually lost her kingdom and all her loyal subjects and was banished in disgrace. The prince wasn't really dead, he had just been falsely accused of a terrible crime and had to hide out with his sister until he could clear his good name, but he fell into a state of decadence, debauchery and despair at the cruel unfairness of his fate. So, quite by chance, the fallen princess recovered and went on a trip to the land of the trolls and walked into a pub and there was her prince and his sister, only the prince was under the spell of a powerful evil potion and …."

Chakotay was laughing so hard he had to cover his mouth so as not to wake the kids sleeping in the next room. "Kathryn, my goodness, I want royalties for that! Let me guess, the Princess and Prince are named Kathryn and Chakotay?"

"Don't be silly," she giggled, "They're Lady Caitlin and Lord Chardonnay, of course."

"Oh, Kathryn, you'll have to let me read that. How does it end?"

"It doesn't, it isn't finished yet, so maybe you could help me out?"

He stared into her eyes and smiled as he touched her cheek on the screen. "Well, they got married and lived happily ever after has always worked for me."

**THE END**

05/31/10

This story is dedicated to my new best Dober friend Tuvok. I would like to thank JC, of course, and also coffee, cookies, pie, Mary Poppins and Courtney and her legless babies.


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